The
Magic Pendulum Theory
Diary
Entry by JoelThorson
American politics are always played between the 40-yard lines :::::::: A
friend of mine, a well informed, middle-of-the-road, business-friendly Democrat,
gives no credence to my endless worries and warnings about permanent damage to
our democratic institutions. "American politics are always played between
the 40-yard-lines," he likes to say. Meaning: "Relax! It'll all swing
back the other way." In
a recent email, I remarked, semi-seriously, that I might not still be living in
America next year, depending on what happens in the next 10 months. He asked:
"What do you think might happen that would make you have to leave? You haven't
bought in with the conspiracy theorists, have you?" My
reply: G -- Which
conspiracy theory are you referring to? I am selective in my credulity. And I
wear aluminum foil, not tinfoil, while beaming information in from the Internets.
Tinfoil turns out to be a very poor receptor for magnetrons. Here
are the conspiracy theories that come to mind, accompanied by my position on each. Bigfoot:
Of course I believe, don't you? What I reject is the silly assertion that Bigfoot
and Yeti are one and the same. This is just Ph.D. dissertation fodder for liberal
elites. Bigfoot is as American as apple pie. The Yeti is a figment of the Dalai
Lama's imagination. Space
aliens and moonwalks: The former are real; the latter were fake. Whatever the
government tells you, believe the exact opposite. The
Tooth Fairy: A tool of the Federal Reserve and the Plunge Protection Team to inflate
the money supply and devalue the dollar. This plays right into the hands of the
Illuminati. A tooth was worth a quarter when I was a kid; now it brings $5 --
or more, in some neighborhoods. Doesn't that tell you all you need to know? Barack
Obama is a Muslim Manchurian candidate: I have it on Hillary's authority that
Barack is a devout Christian, "as far as I know." That's good enough
for me. The Skull
and Bones / Carlyle Group / Bohemian Grove connection: what a joke. The
$385 million Halliburton contract to build domestic detention centers: this disappeared
from the mainstream press almost immediately, so it must be true. Revocation
of the Posse Comitatus Act, which used to prohibit use of the military for domestic
surveillance and other police functions: I read it in the New York Times. Enough
said. Repudiation
of habeas corpus, the 1st and 4th amendments, and the Geneva Conventions: it's
about time we had a unitary president with cojones -- or "Thatchers,"
to use Colbert's term. The
Magic Bullet Theory: this was Arlen Specter's idea, which speaks volumes. The
mafia did it. The
Magic Pendulum Theory: some people believe that imbalances in our system of government
automatically correct themselves through the intervention of a "magic pendulum"
that keeps American politics forever oscillating "between the 40 yard lines."
This is the wackiest folklore of all. The goalposts have shifted so far that the
50-yard line looks like first-and-goal from the three. Once it reaches the end
zone, it's game over, and the familiar sports cliche "there's always next
year" becomes a distant memory. You
can find a slide show of unexplained phenomena here (http://www.livescience.com/strangenews/top10_unexplained_phenomena.html).
If there are others you'd like me to help you with, let me know. As always, my
opinions are free. --
J | 
