Recent
column sparks comments from ‘Sasquatch’ Point
Blank column By
John Blankenship
Register-Herald columnist We
got e-mails galore. Last
Friday’s column sparked passion from a swarm of Bigfoot followers. We
got one e-mail from a supposed female Sasquatch via Concord University and an
invitation to join a blog talk radio show via http://www.blogtalkradio.com/TheSquatchdetective. Another
electronic message sender says: “Wonderful article. Now you know, of course,
that you saw Bigfoot. These creatures are out there, but like so many others in
the world, they have yet to be fully studied and classified. “I’m
one of the amateur ‘thrill seekers’ you mention in your story. If I
see one on my expedition, I hope I can keep my composure as well as you did!” For
those who haven’t read last week’s column, go to http://www.register-herald.com/features/local
story 101221217.html. Yet
another request came from J. Durand of the BFRO Discussion Board: “I
am an investigator with BFRO and I would like to extend to you an invitation to
join us at our discussion. I think you would enjoy reading about some of our adventures
and some of the possible evidence we have collected. If nothing else, maybe some
of the debating will intrigue you.” All
e-mails were stylishly polite, even the communiqué from an obviously well-informed
would-be female Sasquatch who responded to the column from the Athens area. Her
memo reads in part: “My
dearest Mr. Blankenship, “As
I skimmed through the paper this morning (Friday), I was surprised to find an
article about me; of course, people write about seeing me all the time, but their
tales are never this graphic, and unfortunately never this false. “I
write to you today to hopefully set the record straight; to tell about the mystery
of the “beast-like” man, and tell the truth about your particular “sighting.” “I
start my story with the fact that light tends to give me migraines, so I am fond
of taking peaceful strolls in the woods at night. “During
my walks I enjoy reading Shakespeare or listening to Beethoven on my Walkman,
but I occasionally like the silence of the forest and I walk in the quiet. “Unfortunately
for me, I sometimes come across campers like you, and situations sometimes get
a little ‘hairy.’” “In
your case, John, I was walking along one night when I noticed a tent. Because
I am a camping fanatic, I was interested in the style and durability of your tent,
so it was no surprise that I stepped on a thorn since I was not paying attention
to the path. I let out a yelp, and then another when I tried to pull it out. “Suddenly
I heard a zipper unzip, and out came someone with an extremely bright light. As
I stated before, light (and pollen, by the way) tends to give me a headache, so
I felt it necessary to take a shortcut through a dark thicket. “Also,
men sometimes frighten me — being fondled, whistled at, or cat-called to,
is not my idea of chivalry. “So
John, now that I have given a plausible reason for my visit to your lovely campsite,
I think it is time to point out some truths that were left out of your …
insensitive account of my existence. “First
of all, every account given of me says ‘he-this’ or ‘he-that.’
Well, I hate to inform you that I am in fact a female, and fully intend on being
addressed as such. After all, how would you expect a male to have the gorgeous
locks of hair that I have? “Secondly,
it is very insensitive of my viewers to joke about the size of my feet. They might
be a little large, too large for designer pumps, but much is to be said about
a Sasquatch with big feet, if you know what I mean. “Lastly,
I would like to address your account of my so-called stench. Some of my fellow
forest-dwellers are not as clean as I, so I could understand how an individual
might assume I’m dirty, but coming from someone who has met me, I am appalled.
“So Mr.
Blankenship, I should tell you that if you do not like the latest fragrance from
Victoria’s Secret, then, by all means feel free to take it up with the company. “Yes,
Sasquatches have needs too, and one of mine is the latest in body and hair care.
So it should be no surprise to you that I am in touch with the latest fashions. “Mr.
Blankenship, I appreciate campers like you, and I am overjoyed to find people
enjoying nature. I only wish that people knew the truth about me. After this letter,
my hope is that all misconceptions will be cleared up once and for all. Yours
Truly, Sasquatch | 
